Undecided
by Aldesina
Summary: Another sad one, but a goodie, but not a song flick this time


Undecided

by Aldesina

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Disclaimer; As you all well know I do not own gundam wing, and I am not making any money off of this and you will be reading this message again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again....................... well you get the picture.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Sigh" It's been a long weary day as it always is, the wind was blowing and upon it carried the light breeze of roses, no doubt from the rose garden that bloomed beneath my window. Once it had been tamed and groomed to perfection by top of the line gardeners who sculpted and designed this maze like garden into a masterpiece. And it still was although now the exotic flowers and different assortment of shrubbery was quite overgrown and now had a distinct feral quality to it. However it's crowning glory was the rose garden that grew in it's middle now over 12 feet tall the roses were beginning to climb the surrounding walls that held them prisoner. 

I sighed again yes things were different back then. Simpler and at sometimes happier. There are times when I would wish that I could turn back the clock and go relive the past. Before my father died and before I became a symbol. Back when we sere still one happy family. That's all I have now isn't it? Memories that are bittersweet and unbearably hard. I feel like everything and yet nothing at the same time. I sigh. It's as if the world is dead to me, and the only thing that matters now is how to keep the peace, whether it be on the political front or in the military front. 

No I can't call it a military front anymore. Those politicians would not like it, a prevention front then? Yes, I suppose that would make sense since they are called the preventers. Old soldiers, and other willing members of the Earth Sphere Alliance that want to help keep peace in the world. That want a part of the glory that is to be a preventer. Yet at the same time there is pain that comes with it. You have to bear the memory of your dead comrades from the war, and that is never an easy task. To say that you can protect peace, that you play a part. Yes it is important and it feels right as well. 

I have never been sure what is right, what is wrong, sometimes I wonder if there is any black and white anymore, now only shades of gray, that fade blacker from time never fully becoming black, then other times fading toward the light getting lighter and lighter, but still never quite reaching the white that is needed for pure goodness. I believe that there is that goodness though. But in very few people. The gundam pilots, yes they are good, even though they have to slaughter and fight and kill. It is their duty and no one can see it as their fault. Especially during times of war. Who has the right to say it is any of their thoughts. 

Quatre Rabarba Winner, a kind and gentle soul who is unwilling to fight, he believes wholeheartedly in the goodness of the people and yet when needed he will bring out his gundam and lead the war and the strategic planning better then any general or assembly of them combined. Trowa Barton, brought into this war but not of his free will. Fate perhaps some would say? Yes it probably is fate, although not a kind one. He was trained as a replacement for the real Trowa who was considered too radical and had to be destroyed. But was it worth it? To use a poor person who's defenses were down, and exploit him to the war's needs? I suppose so. The person who trained all these five men certainly thought so. Duo Maxwell, how did he ever get into the war, I've wondered, he would probably be the silliest and most light hearted of them all. It's most amazing how he mad it out of this war alive. He has a ego to rival the size of the earth, yet I suppose they too, chose him well. He was needed to provide a optimistic atmosphere now and then, after all they are merely young boys, barely into their teens. Ah.... Wufei Chang. The noble one, and like the rest of them bears many scars and past hurts and huants. The death of his wife brought him into a whole new life. Once the scholar of the family, he could no longer be that. Not after the warrior died, he had to take her place. Not only that he has to do everything perfect, and be pushed to the limit, for he no longer has anyone left to guide him. His whole clan destroyed during the war. The colony L5, a tragedy, and another necessary forfeiture to war. Millions dead, no it wasn't necessary, the colony could have been evacuated, but then would it have had the same effect upon the people as it did? Would another helpless and innocent colony have to blown up and another million homes and lives shattered? And yes, him, no I haven't forgotten him, that would be unforgivable. Heero Yuy. It could be said that he made the greatest impact upon the war out of all the gundam pilots. He who piloted the magnificent Wing Zero. Power, fear and yet at the same time assured and guaranteed peace poured out of this boy and his mobile suit. Trained as a mere child to be a assassin, then used by Dr. J to be his own brand of secret weapon. They stripped away this boy's life and gave him a whole new purpose, and yet with all this peace what would his purpose be now? He didn't not have any need of the land of the living anymore, and they had no use for him. So powerful was his training that it made him into self destructive contraption if required. Ah but he has found new purpose hasn't he?

Relena, my dear little sister, he has found a purpose in you. Sometimes I wonder if it was right of me to run away and sneak off into the academy. If I hadn't would I have been killed along with Mr. Dorlian? Or perhaps this all would have never happened and I would have become a normal school boy? A normal teenager with the usual girlfriends and carelessness in the world that the rest of the population seems to be enjoying? No I don't think that I would ever be able to have that. Not after witnessing my parent's death, the brutal shootings of my dears parents when I was just seven, Watching them die, I almost cried out, yet I couldn't it would have given away my hidden place and they would have destroyed the precious cargo that I held in my arms, my hand covering her mouth, so she would not cry out. I suppose it was the right thing. For had I cried out today there would not be a symbol of peace to look up and there would be chaos without Relena. Yes she is the most valuable aspect of peace. Without her I do believe it, peace, would not be in existence. What of me then? It is odd is it not? My sister is the very symbol of peace, the sun that shines in people's eyes, the dawn. And yet I, I am the shadow that lurks in the dark. A symbol of war. 

Yes, I believe that I willingly became this. I knew that I would be known as an enemy the day that I decided to board Libra and fight against Trieze and my dear little sister. Yet at the same time without anyone to play the part of the villain I don't think we would ever have accomplished the tranquility that we have today. I sigh and stare out into the garden once more. It was my parent's favorite view, from this room you could just see the sun setting, hitting roses at a certain angle making them look like they had a golden outline. Beautiful, yes, I suppose I would like to be surrounded by beauty when I die. A welcome yet ironic change from the way my life has been. Wretched, full of hate, and anger, confusion and apathy. It is not a life I would like to continue living. I stare out at the sunset trying to memorize every detail for this is the last time that I will see it. I close my eyes and step off the balcony. 

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Well what took you so long, I was beginning to wonder if you were having an affair on the balcony with another lady" She asked me purring the question out like a smug cat who just caught the fattest mouse in the barn. She smiled and leaned forward in the bed, smiling at me and patting the spot next to her seductively.

"Noin" I say exhaling the word and inhaling her perfume like it was my lifeline. I crawl into bed beside her and lay my head down on her lap. 

" You make my life so wonderful" I say to her. She was the one that pulled me back from my dreary existence, my life, my love my companion, and my lover. I have nothing more to say. She is all the explanation that I need, that I will offer, and though you may not understand, it is not necessary for you to. I have said all that is needed I bid you adieu and good night.


End file.
